horrible yet popular dating advice

I read this article entitled, “Books With Worst Dating Advice Ever” last week on Huffington Post and initially it had very little cerebral effect on me because I agree with the article. But then it dawned on me a while later (because sometimes I’m a little slow) that the books cited were/are very popular and some are best sellers so apparently a LOT of people won’t agree with this article or me that these books are dispensers of the worst dating advice ever.

For example, while Steve Harvey may have some points about some men and their motives, he certainly doesn’t speak for us all. The following is a sample of the Huffington Post article.

  1. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man (on the “male” approach)
    [pullquote]”Men don’t come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan,” he says. “We’re looking across the room at you, and we don’t care about your hopes and dreams. We don’t care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted.” – Steve Harvey [/pullquote]
  2. The Rules (on marriage)
    [pullquote]”Close the deal – Rules women do not date men for more than two years. If you’ve followed The Rules, your man probably loves you and wants to marry you. Your problem is not if he marries you, but when! If it’s been more than a year, see less of him and think about dating others. You’ve already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose; do you have another year to wait?” – Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider[/pullquote]
  3. The CODE: Time Tested Secrets for Getting What You Want from Women- Without Marrying Them!
    [pullquote]”Never Trade Anything for Sex, Unless It’s Oral Sex” – Nate Penn and Lawrence LaRose [/pullquote]
  4. I Got the Fever: Love, What’s Race Gotta Do With It? (interesting section titles)
    “Salsa Fever”
    “Yellow Fever”
    “Jungle Fever”
    “Curry Fever”
    “Shiksa Fever” – J.C. Davies [/pullquote]
  5. The Rules According to JWoww (on what to wear on a date)
    [pullquote]”I’m all about the cleavage! Everybody that knows me knows that about me, and if you don’t have it, I know Victoria’s Secret has got some bras that can help that situation out.” – Jenni JWoww Farley[/pullquote]
  6. Hooking Up With Tila Tequila
    [pullquote]”F*** like a porn star.” – Tila Tequila[/pullquote]
  7. The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists (on talking to women)
    [pullquote]”It’s not lying, it’s flirting.” – Neil Strauss[/pullquote]

My advice – never ever ever do or believe any of the aforementioned snippets. I told you these were pretty bad. Reminds me of this article from 1955 on how to be a good housewife. Your thoughts?

Published by kenn

author. developer. illustrator. Renaissance man.

11 thoughts on “horrible yet popular dating advice”

  1. Shica says:

    You gotta give me more. WHY are those items bad advice? I must say that #2 is a belief of mine. When we were dating, I told my husband that I needed to know WHY we were dating. I have seen far too many folks to just nonchalantly date and never end up getting what they wanted out of the relationship. If it is marriage, that is what they wanted, so they should communicate that it is to be carried out.

  2. kenn says:

    Shica, in regards to number two, (from a man’s perspective) so many women are SO fixated on closing the deal that they don’t know what they’re getting in the deal. I agree that a two-year relationship with no direction is pointless but so is a two-month relationship.

    The advice in number two ASSUMES that marriage is coming and therein lies my problem with it.

  3. kenn says:

    Yeah, Harvey makes it appear as if all men are scheming wolves. Perhaps like he was once upon a time.

  4. Katina says:

    Wow! All of it is bad, but I have to admit that I find truth in Steve Harvey’s statement. I think the problem is (like you say) is encompassing all men into that brand of thinking.

    Truth be told a lot of women already know BEFORE a guy comes up to them, that he’s going to come up to them…Dude’s “scheming” isn’t so obscure to anyone watching his body language. So when Harvey says they come with a plan…not all men do, but you can tell the ones who are not just coming up “to talk”.

    But if a woman took Harvey’s advice to heart, she’d greet any nice fellow looking for good conversation with a loud, raspy, yell…screaming “No means NOOOOOOOOO!” (lol….well not really, but that’s how I like to see it ha-ha)

    I can’t find any merit in the other ones though…not even a little bit lol!

  5. Katina says:

    @Shica I can share with you my personal reasons why I don’t think #2 is all that Kosher.

    I think men know within a short amount of time whether or not they want to marry you (6 months to a year)…but they still want to make moves when they are sure of themselves and their situation is stable. I have one friend who wants to get a few things in order before he pops the question. If his GF was a nag or constantly pressuring him, it would probably frustrate him, even make him question his feelings for the her (seeing that now she has it in her to be controlling and uncompromising).

    My husband and I dated 4 years before we got married (I’d known him for 6 total). I wasn’t in a rush either, but the point is that I knew him very well before we tied the knot. I think sometimes people don’t know each other well enough. 2 years is not a whole of time to get to know someone’s true colors (just my opinion) .

    Then again, my brother-in-law got married a year into his relationship. I knew the first day I met his GF that she would be apart of the family, so I wasn’t alarmed the day he announced they were getting married.

    Overall I don’t believe in time tables. When the time is right, it is right. That could be 6 months or 6 years.

  6. tiffany says:

    I read Steve Harvey’s first dating book in literally five minutes while standing up in the aisle @ Barnes and Noble and all I could think was that if women need STEVE HARVEY to tell them not to date/sleep with men who don’t treat them with basic human dignity…women are WAY worse off than I had thought. 🙂

  7. Tonya says:

    I totally agree with you Tiffany! Also, I personally don’t read dating books because they’re gross overgeneralizations in its basic form. I no more believe that dating makes you an expert on dating relationships than I believe wearing clothes makes you a fashion designer.

    I disagree that the only reason we date and are in relationships is for marriage? Isn’t one of our basic needs, companionship? Dating, like most anything else, is not a one-size fits all entity. When the situation is “right” both parties will know and if that isn’t the case, then you walk. Hopefully, without grudge and feelings that you “wasted” your time in that relationship that went nowhere. Seize that opportunity to realize what you will and won’t allow the next time.

  8. Lyn Thomas says:

    I read Steve Harvey’s book, but I took it for what I think it is, comedy! There are some kernels of truth in it here and there just like his comedy routine. The book made me laugh and the girls and we had fun talking about it, but really can we take any of these dating books seriously?

  9. kenn says:

    These days, can we take dating seriously? It’s like a game to a lot of people. What happened to enjoying each others company and getting to know one another with a communicated and mutual purpose? So many people seem intent on simply getting what they want out of the other person or opportunity. I’m done! (Kenn dramatically drops mic and walks off the stage)

  10. Katina says:

    @ Kenn ROFL!!! Dramatically drops the mic eh? So you didn’t just drop it. You swung it around, let out a gargoyle-type roar “AHHHHRRRRRRRR!!!!” and sent the mic flying off into the crowd; where we all parted to make a landing spot for it on the floor?

  11. kenn says:

    Not that dramatic. geeeez 😀

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